Jami and the Tantrums

Couple of weekends ago, Jami and I fought.

I was really guilty about our encounter that I was thinking about it the next day and the day after. I even get teary eyed kapag naalala ko. I purposefully blogging about it just now so the emotions died down.

Why is it so hard to become a parent? I came to a point where I am so confused if what I am doing is still right.

Ganto kasi yan..

I was preparing our dinner while Jami was playing games on my phone. I asked him to stop playing because the battery's about to die and we're going to eat supper in minutes time. Ang siste, he got pissed because I asked him to stop playing.He got grumpy after tapos pa iyak-iyak and he got really demanding. Ang gusto nya dapat binibigay na agad, yung mga ganyan.

So eto na, Daryl and I were preparing for our dinner when he asked for dede. I said no immediately kasi kakain na nga. I want him to eat dinner first then he can have dede. After that, he got really cranky and crying. I got mad because I am at work the whole day and that I want things to become pretty easy for us both but he's not giving it. Sinubuan ko sya ng food while he was still crying.

Me: Anong nakakaiyak, Jami?! 

The sound of me was really pissed pero I managed not to shout.

Jami cried so loud, spit the food on his mouth. I got more annoyed tinapik ko yung mouth nya. He began to cry louder and went to his Daddy.

Nagpapa awa!

The tendecy is, the TV is on so when his attention get caught, mawawala na ang momentum and I felt makakalusot sya sa mga kalokohan nya so I turned the TV off. First thing first, I want to address his attitude.

That made everything worst. Jami was so angry, he screeched. 

I lost my temper. Ayaw ko pa naman ng sinisigawan ako. I carried him to our room so he can't see Daryl then asked him to face the wall.

Naglulupasay.

I carried him para makatayo sya on his own tapos pinaharap ko lang sa wall. He was still crying, shouting, wailing, I can see he's really mad. He was jumping up and down because of his anger as he looses his self control too. Na feel ko na parang sumosobra na sya so when I saw a thin long wood somewhere in our room, pinalo ko sya.. twice.. on his right leg. I guess it hurt because nag red ng slight yung part na tinamaan sya.

He was crying endlessly and still jumping up and down. I know galit na galit na din talaga sya. I started to think if what I am doing is right. I watched him and that made me really sad, guilty, worse and all the negative feeling in the world. He was sweating kasi nakapatay yung electric fan when we went inside so I asked him to sit down sa bed and turned on the fan in front of him.

I sat beside the fan and observed him. He was still crying pero nag minimize na. Pahikbi - hikbi na lang. Lumalakas ang iyak kapag naaalala nya siguro yung encounter. I let him continue his crying until mejo nagla lie low na sya.

I talked to him in a calm voice but I didn't loose the authority in it.

Me: "Bakit nagalit si Mommy?"

Jami: (sobbing) "Kase.. Kase.. Hmmm.. Kasi..Nag iyak ako eh."

Para akong kinurot sa puso. I don't want him to think na nagagalit ako when he cries. He felt that crying is bad. It was the other way around. I want him to feel that he could cry when he's sad, mad, etc. Lalaki sya and that I want him to grow up na hindi takot ilabas ang nararamdaman nya. Men have tendency to hide their feelings and that is something I want to avoid. I want him to be open with me and his Daddy.

I know at his age, he doesn't know how to handle his emotions and that leads to tantrums.

Me: "Hindi ako nagalit kasi nag iyak ka. Nagalit ako kasi sumisigaw ka. Hindi ka pwedeng sumigaw sa mas matanda sayo. Kahit kay Daddy or kay Nanay o kahit kanino hindi ka pwedeng sumigaw."

Jami: (nodding) "Opo.. opo.. opo.."

That's what he do kapag pinagsasabihan ko sya, opo lang ng opo. I don't even know kung naiintindihan ba nya or nage gets nya ang point pero opo lang yan ng opo. Minsan, nakakaloko kasi baka nag aagree lang para matapos na ang drama. Lol.

Me: "Bakit ako nagalit?"

I tried to repeat the question para malaman ko kung nakinig ba sya or he understands the message. He's still sobbing and I felt pity towards him. I don't know kung tama ba ang mga pinag gagawa ko, sa totoo lang.

I did my best to explain bakit ako nagalit. I want to make sure that he remembered everything and that he knows the moral lesson. Pinaulit - ulit ko ang tanong until he answered correctly na kaya ako nagalit because he was shouting at me.

Me: "Galit ka ba kay Mommy?"

Jami: (Umiiling)

Me: "Hindi ka galit kay Mommy? Ano lang?"

Jami: "Sad ako.. Hindi na ako Happy."

Hindi ko na kinaya, Bes. Maiyak-iyak ako. Of course the last thing us parents want to hear is that our kids being unhappy. What more if it's you who made them sad after all.

Naiiyak tuloy ako habang tinataype ko to. =(

Me: "Sad ka? Pero hindi ka galit kay Mommy?"

Jami: (umiiling)

Me: "Sure ka?"

Jami: "opo."

I guess being sad rather than angry at you is better.

We hugged after. He hugged me for a very long time. Yung hindi lang basta hug na wala lang, masabi lang na nag hug. He hugged me for a good 3-5 minutes. I let him hug me as long as he want. Parang ayaw na nga bumitaw. I can't recall if I said sorry to him but I make sure that he feels good after our little talk. If Daryl wasn't calling us (dahil kumakain kami when the drama started), baka hindi pa kami nag bitaw sa pag hug sa isa't -isa.

We went out of the room and continue our dinner when Nanay came in and took something from our house.

Nanay: "O anong nangyari jan, bakit umiyak yan?"

Me: "Eh di ginulpi ko." (Note: exaggeration)

Nanay: "Ayan ang martilyo o, pukpukin mo. Ano bang laban nyan sayo."

Wow. I definitely need that encouragement. I feel bad na nga, ganun pa ang sinabi sakin. That's when I felt worse, I can't stop thinking about it for a good 2 days. Thinking about it now, parang ganun din naman si Mama sa akin before less the talk after the drama. Did she feel the same way before to say that to me? Probably, Yes. Or maybe she's hurt too kasi apo nga naman nya yun.

As much as possible, I don't want to use corporal punishment. As long as I can make him follow me with just telling him what to do, ginagawa ko. But I guess, there are those days when you are so tired and you feel na sumusobra na din ang attitude nila so you have to use authority. For the last 3 and a half years of me being a Mommy to Jami, this is the third time na napalo ko sya. I am reserving this kind of discipline kapag alam kong sobra na. On many small things that go wrong, pinagsasabihan ko lang by telling him na bad yun, or don't do that kasi hindi maganda yun. The last thing I want is for him to grow up na walang respect sa mas matanda sa kanya specially sa amin ng Daddy nya. I am praying na tama ang ginagawa ko for him to grow up na mabuting tao.