30 Days Blog Challenge Day 23: A Letter to your Parents

Dear Mama and Papa,

I hardly can’t remember how our relationship was when I was young. I have a limited memories of Papa because you left so early while Mama was so busy either doing household chores or busy working so you can provide our needs. I grew up thinking all I want is to play outside. I never thought of being a person I am right now. I have some questions in mind that I don’t have the guts to ask.

To Mama,

When I was young, all I feel about you is that I am scared whenever you’re calling me to go home. You’re mad whenever I go in the street. You don’t want me to play Chinese garter kasi it requires jumping. You want me to sleep in the afternoon pero I always make istokwa. Di ako dumadaan sa bahay at nagpapakita sayo para hindi mo ako pauwiin sa hapon para matulog. I remembered you were telling story about how that manong/manang makes me wear his/her clothes that he/she sells tapos inuuto ako na bagay sakin then you’ll end up buying the dress. You always want me to wear those butterfly like dresses you found I don’t know where. Anyway, even now, you still go to Ukay – ukay and as soon as you see something you think is pretty, you make me wear it pero minsan hindi ko type so you’ll keep it na lang para ipadala sa probinsya. I also remembered how I badly wanted to take a bath with you. Then one time, you took a bath without me, I had tantrums. I cried and cried. Napikon ka, nilublob mo ako sa drum ng tubig sa labas ng bahay. Sayang lang at hindi nag ala Regine Velasquez or Sarah Geronimo ang boses ko sa ginawa mo, eh di sana rich na tayo ngayon mudra. Since then though, I can’t remember na kung nag iinarte pa rin ba ako na sabay tayo maligo o hindi na.

When Papa died, you have been put into a great responsibility. You seldom cooks kasi you have to work all day to make money to feed us. I remembered you worked as a clothes washer, in the factory para magbalat ng sibuyas, nagtindera ka din sa tapat ng bahay just to earn extra. Although Ate and kuya was put to a responsibility as well on their teenage years, I know all those weren’t that enough to buy us what we want. I seldom get to talk to you kasi you were working and I am enjoying my teenage life too. I never get to understand why you always make saway on everything that I do back then. I am thinking na lahat na lang kay Mama bawal. In college, when you talked to me na you can no longer send me to school, I almost cried but I have to accept the challenge. I showed you that I can work my ass to help out somehow. There’s always a part of my money that goes to you. Somehow you deserve that, I know. You have been to a great responsibility and hell you rock the world of motherhood. We might not be as perfect as everyone aims to be but you instilled good moral on us so we can face the world with confidence. I am also greatful that I had a mother like you whose far away from being perfect but has been a very good and responsible mother to us. I owe you this life. God made me understand you when I carried James for 9 months. Although likas talaga atang matigas ang ulo ko, I didn tfollow half of your advices that time. Ayan, I ended up with eklaver situation tuloy. Anyway, I thank God for you have given me so many chances to correct everything that I might have done wrong. I wanted to be like you in terms of how you raised us when we were young. I’ll just make sure lalamangan kita ng konti kasi I have learned to save. I seldom say this to you too, Mama pero I love you talaga. Thanks for every sacrfices you and Papa had for all these years. Thanks for everything Ma.

To Papa,

I was thinking that Papa was my hero back then kasi Mama spanks me all the time. Hehe. For some reason, you scolds me for things you think I did wrong. They always tell me na I asks a lot of questions and it annoys everyone else kasi you tired of answering. You said that only Papa answers my never ending questions. You also said na he said one time na “Paano na lang ang anak kong ito kapag nawala ako? Wala ng sasagot ng mga tanong nito.” Which made sense kasi you said na whenever we watch TV, it’s always been:

Me: Anong nangyari sa kanya?

Papa: Nadapa

Me: Bakit sya nadapa?

Papa: Kasi hinahabol sya.

Me: Eh bakit sya hinahabol?

Yan. Sabi nila ganyan daw ako which I find myself having the same conversation with other people din. Maybe it was an innate something. I’ll never get contented. Thank you Papa, for answering those question of the toddler/kid me. I never get to remember them, good thing I had my sisters and brother to remind me how greatful I am to be your daughter. I also remembered one time, I had this alkansya which looked the same with that of Togs (my youngest sibling), we only placed our names under to identify which is which. Unknowingly, I am filling his alkansya and not mine. I cried hard because my put a lot of coins there. You carried me and said, it’s okay, I’ll just replace them. How greatful I am to have you replaced those coins. Anyway, I can’t remember if it was really replaced or not. There were also times that I annoys Mama so much that she tried to spank me, you got me from where I am sitting then covered me from those hits. You even said, “di bale, bibili na lang tayo ng bagong Mama.” I never really treasure those. I was too young to be this dramatic back then. When you got sick, I can’t understand fully why you went different. You were always the hard working father I knew from the start. I later on found out that you only had 4 or 6 months to live. I wasn’t told of that by Mama and my older siblings. Maybe because I will never understand. I remembered one day, I was happily playing outside, Mama called me for no good reason, I saw you dying. I cried a lot although I don’t fully understand the situation. All I heared Lola Berting saying “Sige na Gene, ako ng bahala sa kanila.” I saw a single tear flowing from you eyes, you peed on your shorts then that’s it. Your sickness carried away all your memories from us, I wonder why you cried. Is it because you were sorry you are leaving early? Or because you will miss us and you won’t witness how we will have our life as a parent too?

God might have taken you away from us that early. I wanted to say I miss you. Naiinis kasi sila kapag ang dami kong tanong about everything eh. However, I wanted to thank God he let us shared that good 8 years and 11 months of my life. Sayang lang, you left us a month before my 9^th birthday. It was the same day and time of that year na gingawa ko itong letter na to for you. You have been far, far away for 15 years. I am sure grown up to be a beautiful lady (wag na kumontra). I surely missed my hero whenever Mama scolds me, the one who gives me money everyday, the one who wakes me up with a chocolate on the kulambo or blanket, the one who puts a coin on our armpits para kilitiin kami. All those are missed Papa. Thank you for being our provider. I thank God for giving you as my father. You may not be able to walk with me on my wedding day, you know you’ll always be in my heart. I never get to say this before but Papa, I love you.