My Failure As a Mom

I have mentioned to you some time ago that I will blog about breast feeding separately. So then here it is. 

“Breast milk is the best for babies up to two years of age and beyond.” We’ve heard and saw this advertisement from a milk brand right? In my case, I can vouch to it kasi my mom breast fed mo up to 2 years. It was true na kapag ang bata was breast fed, they will seldom get sick and will have a great immune system. Believe me, I seldom get flu. Of course coughs and colds were common. Kaya nga sobrang laki ng panghihinayang ko na hindi msyado napakinabangan ni James and breast milk ko.

When I was pregnant, about 6 months, I guess, I noticed that my shirt gets wet on my bust area. It wasn't the ordinary water because when you touch it, it's kinda malagkit. I didn't make pansin on it. My boobs got bigger talaga to the highest level. I mean it got one size bigger as I have mentioned here. 

After sometime after I noticed that my shirt gets wet for no reason, I have indeed believed that it was breast milk making its way out. I found it a little bit awkward. Most of the time it was the right breast that's having plenty of milk. I didn't bother at all because my friend told me that it was normal daw. Ibig sabihin eh healthy daw ang pregnancy ko. I don't know how true it was. I never had the chance to ask my OB-GYN about it during my visit kasi I always forget. 

I remembered one morning when I woke up, I was wearing Daryl's shirt (I often do kapag nag sleep over ako sa house nila), I noticed a chocolate colored stain on the right side of the shirt lined on my breast area. I wondered what it was but what I thought about it was the 'Milo" we drank the night before. Naisip ko baka natapunan ako ng di ko alam. Then same thing happened that afternoon na biglang nabasa ang shirt ko for no reason. That's when I have accepted na, I have a breast milk na, so excited niya kaya lumalabas na agad. 

When I gave birth and James has to stay in the hospital, my breasts really ache. It feels so full. When I lie down, it feels heavy. So what I did to help lessen the pain was we bought a breast pump so I can let some milk out. During the day, I will go to the hospital to see James and hand over the breast milk na naipon ko. I was able to get the yellow-ish milk – they call it COLOSTRUM.

What colostrum lacks in volume it makes up for in power. Some people refer to colostrum as "high octane" milk. It's full of antibodies and immunoglobulins, which not only help protect newborns as they come into our world of bacteria and viruses, but also has a laxative effect that helps them expel the tarry first stools called meconium.

When you feed your baby colostrum, which may appear as clear fluid or be a deep golden color, it's as though you're giving him his first vaccination

When James was about to go home, I met with his pedia, Dra. Castro said that he has now consuming almost 3 oz. I got shock kasi the other day lang eh sabi nila 2oz daw. When we were at home, I had a hard time breast feeding him because he can’t seem to find my nipple of my right breast. Also, I noticed that the milk has not gone back where I can feel my breast full although there’s still milk coming out. I think James was not that contented lang from the amount of milk he’s getting from me. It was so frustrating lang talaga. I badly want to breast feed pa naman. Aside from that, they were saying na don’t feed them if you are tired etc etc. I was making asikaso of my philhealth for about a week until I realized na parang wala na talaga akong milk. Then that’s the time I stopped kasi pakonti ng pakonti ang breast milk ko and it was so frustrating to see James na umiiyak because he can’t get the amount of milk he wants tapos parang naliliitan pa sya sa nipple ko. L

Back in February, I asked my mom kung ok lang ba na magpa breast feed pa ako ulit after I stopped for almost 2 months. Sabi nya I can try daw pero no guarantee na may lalabas pa or if James still wants it. One thing that I was avoiding is that when I go to work, I don’t want James looking for me and having a topak because he wants breast milk. That happened kasi most of the time na inaasikaso ko ang Philhealth. He was crying at hindi mapakali.

Every time I read mommy blogs that they are still breast feeding pa, I feel so inggit talaga. One of the things I have learned from that is to become patient and more effort so you will be successful on breast feeding. It feels great pa naman whenever you’re feeding your baby kasi you’re not just helping yourself go back to your pre-pregnancy state faster, you are also making your baby healthy pa. I see it sometime as a failure for being a mom pero what much I can do pa ba? 

Hayy.. I hope I can bring back the time.