30 Days Blog Challenge Day 21: Your Fears

source

Hi guys, mudrakels, friends and everyone.

Ipagpaumanhin kung walang post ng weekend. Mejo busy lang naman ako ng slight. I felt so tired last week. Feeling ko ang dami kong ginawa so mejo nagpahinga muna ako. Aside from that, mejo umiikot na ang paningin ko kakatitig sa computer sa work so pinagpahinga ko muna ang eyes ko nung weekend. =)

Ok! Back to regular programming na tayo.

I remembered during my Happy-go-Lucky days, I never cared about anything. Kaya nga happy go lucky diba? It was my 3^rd year high school English teacher who introduced me to that “word”. Sabi nya kasi ganun daw ako eh. So pinanindigan ko na lang. Heheheh =)

Back to kwento.

Eto na nga, pre – James days, I never cared kung anong mangyayari sa future ko. I never planned anything, ‘go with the flow lang ako forever’ ang peg ko. My only fear back then is tumandang dalaga or hindi magkaanak.

Oo promise!

As early as that, iniisip ko, baka di ako makapag asawa or hindi magkaanak. Mejo nasa linya kasi yan ng lahi ko eh.

But now, I am so paranoid of everything. I am scared of the word “death”. I remembered a friend who told me as such, sabi ko, “wag muna, ang baby pa ni James for me to die”. See? That’s the reason I get so scared of it. I don’t want to die early. I want to see James grow, walk, laugh more, love more, study, career, love life, and build his own family. I want to see it all. I want to see my grandchildren. I am so afraid to die.

That’s my greatest fear as of the moment.

I remembered one time, nasa bus ako with Daryl. Were on our way home when we were at coastal road, nasira yung bus. The horn keeps on buzzing endlessly. Nasira daw yung something. I thought of the worst case scenario. Those that can only be seen sa movies. I am thinking na yung bus might go out of control then we’ll fall sa coastal, go straight sa ilalim ng dagat and can’t get out because of debris ng bus, can’t swim up because I don’t know how to swim then I’ll die na lang. Sadness filled my heart. I have Daryl with me so I thought na if we die together there, kawawa naman si James. He’ll grow up without a Mom and a Dad. I felt so bad. Sumakit na lang ang lalamunan ko kakapigil na maiyak.

Exage lang ako mag isip pero that’s how a mother thinks siguro. You never wanted to miss anything about your son. You don’t want them to look pitiful sa ibang tao. You don’t want them to feel abandoned.

Sobrang exage pero that’s what I felt. Sometimes nga, I thought, what if people get infected and become zombies? Where do we hide? or it will be the end of the world, san kami magtatago ni James? Super exage but you can never tell diba? I wanted to be prepared for everything. 

It may sound weird pero try nyo maging Nanay,then tell me kung hindi kayo naloka!

Hehehehe. =)

Kayo? What's your greatest fear?