The Realization Sinks In

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I have been blog hopping since this morning when I came across some blogs that talks about finances. I got hooked and I kept reading it. I liked those entries of Life In Manila blog because it came from her own personal life. I adore her so much with that as she gets to share those things that are really a struggle for everybody.
I suck at finances, that's one thing I am sure of. I am troubled and have not achieved what they call "financial freedom". I have also read Kuripot Pinay's entries about financial topics that can be helpful for those who are really struggling.
When I gave birth, that's when I realized that I should have not done what I did when I was single. I should have saved money, I should have loved my work and strive for a career path. I should have understand the meaning of emergency funds and all. If I can just go back to the past and start it right, I should come out almost free - financially. Well, as the quote above says, I can always start from the scratch.
Nowadays, there was this innate feelings, voices maybe (parang may schizophrenia lang?) that's telling me to save, save, save. I am no longer just thinking about me, but there was this person who completely depends on me. I can no longer say that "it's ok to spend, I can always work for it to have more". Yah! It's still ok pero hindi na katulad nuon na I will spend all of them for me. I have James to think about. Oh! I realized, it might be the Motherhood in me that's why I had a change of heart no?! Motherhood changed the hell out of me nga ang motto ko na diba?

Here are the things that I realized from the past years of my life:

Savings.
I should have gave more attention to this before. I could have had some amount to back me up on nganga days. I just get lucky last year that there were some good hearts that provided me help - help na pinabayaan ko, chances na I have taken for granted. I am worried to the max because I want to take care of it kasi I was thinking na this was my life saver nung panahong halos hindi na ako makahinga sa bwisit ko sa mga taong nasa tabi - tabi. I am stressing myself out now to find ways how I can manage to keep it. Kung close tayo, for sure alam mo to. =)

Career/Work.
During my Happy-go-lucky days, I will go to work, get my pay, spend it anywhere, get burned out, reason out, resigned then find a new one. Repeat the process gazillion times. I am so guilty of this. Hahaha. I was one of those employee of BPO companies who complains a lot for everything. I don't know. Maybe because I have no one to think of. I can have all the reason to go to work only if I wanted to. I never wanted a career thinking that I am too young to get to that next level. I should have prepared myself more in becoming a career - woman than being just a plain employee. I should have invested a lot in my experience and use it intelligently. Nowadays, thinking of being absent pa lang, windang na ako. I can't be absent, I can't afford to be absent at all. I wanted this account, I wanted to earn more, I wanted to have a career. Now that I am starting over, I know it wasn't too late to figure things out while I am young.

Studies.
I badly wanted to go to school. It's just that I was not given the opportunity financially. I studied at Philippine Normal University which was a State University that offers cheap semester tuition fees which I can afford now that I am working, it's just that, I don't know how to handle a graveyard shift with school in the morning. Baka mukha na akong walker like in Walking Dead Series nun at bigla na lang akong barilin sa ulo dahil mapagkakamalan akong zombie. Kaya naman please understand why I get pissed off kapag may mga batang ayaw mag aral. Given all the opportunity financially ayaw pang mag aral, mas gugustuhin pang magliwaliw, ang sarap lang sabunutan. Oo bitter ako! Pero life is unfair talaga diba? I have long accepted it. God doesn't give everything at one go.  Anyway, I am still hoping someday, I could finish what I have started. Have faith. =)

Relationships. I had on and off relationships with everybody. I can be the stubborn and childish little pest you might have pero this was me. I am into working my relationships with everyone that I love and I am starting to establish a good relationships with those who have been seriously there for me on those emo days than those who pretends to be one. "I always have a choice" that I forgot for so long that I let some people ruin me from what I am. Anyway, I am getting back on track so better get out of the way. Hehehe. Uy good vibes lang tayo dito, chupi na nga yang mga yan. They're non - existent froglets. Anyway, I wanted to have a good relationship with Daryl, James and my Family and Friends. I wanted to become closer to them this year. Hindi pa naman huli ang lahat for this year diba? Wala pa nga sa kalahati ang taon. Hehe. I am positive I can be a better person because of them. Focus on your loved ones, they will love you unconditionally. =)

And Lastly,

Blogging. I started this in 2012 after our trip in Boracay so don't believe what you can see sa archives that I had a post in December 2011. Mejo eengot - engot pa kasi ako nun sa blogger eh. I should have continued it kasi it was a great way to express your feeling. I am blogging now mostly because of James' milestone. I would like him to remember those things that we have gone through raising him. I wanted to re-read those posts and feel the feelings I had regardless of the emotions during the time I have written it. Sooner or later, I will forget I have had this dahil bukod sa tatanda na ako, operada pa ako. I wanted to reminisce those that taught me a lesson and check later if I have become a better person I wished I had. Parang reflection of my past ba. hehehe. I am just starting to love blogging and I am taking it seriously now. =) Syempre bongga yun kung may reader na kagaya mo diba? Balik ka ulit bukas ha? May chika ako ulit. Hehehe.

So these are the things I should have given serious thoughts before. I hope you can pick something good at it and learn from my mistakes. I am sorry kung meron mang bitin na stories here. I just want to keep it private na lang. =)
Thank you =)